QUOTES AND JOKES

   

 
Quotes RenÚ's groaners Terse exchanges Jokes
Geezer personal Teaching_words_ Geezer dress code Geezer exercise
 
 
The contents of this page come from many different sources. I have tried to give credit to the best of my knowledge and recollection. Where no credit is given, I have either forgotten where I found it, or the author was not identified or, for quite a few of the quotes and jokes, I take full blame for having thought of them myself.
 
 
Quotes
When you take dancing lessons, you learn steps and you learn steps. It can go on for a long time. And then one day, you just learn to dance, and it is so different.

Football isn't a contact sport; it's a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport.
Vince Lombardi


Dancing is "Sole Food".
'Dance at 8' May 2006 Newsletter


What if doing the hokey pokey really  is what it's all about?
Sent to me by Christine (Chris) Wilson


I got started dancing because I knew that was one way to meet girls." ~
Gene Kelly (1912-1996) American dancer, film and stage actor who was an innovator in musical films


Let your life lightly dance on the edges of Time like dew on the tip of a leaf.
Rabindranath Tagore quotes (Indian poet, playwright and essayist, Won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1913, 1861-1941)


So the well educated man can learn to sing and dance well.
Plato


About balance: Cranes stand on one leg, but cannot dance a step.
Anonymous


Dance as if no one is watching.
Sing as if no one is listening.
Love as if you have never been hurt.
Unknown *


You don't stop dancing from growing old, you grow old from stopping to dance.
Unknown *


And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, philosopher (1844-1900) Sent to me by John Leofsky.


First come the sweat and the tears, then comes the glory. Nureyev


Without music, life would be a mistake.... I would only believe in a God who knew how to dance.
Friedrich Nietzsche quotes (German classical scholar,
philosopher and critic of culture, 1844-1900.)


Dance is the hidden language of the soul of the body. Martha Graham a premier American leader in dance


In order to be a good soldier it is necessary to know how to dance. Plato


He who danceth not, knoweth not the ways of life.
Old  Persian  proverb


If you're unsure of yourself, dance as though nobody were watching. If you know you're good, dance as though everybody were watching.


The truest expression of a people is in its dances and its music. Bodies never lie. Agnes De Mille


Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Igor Stravinsky


 

Learning to dance changes your life.  Dancing            teaches substance that will last a lifetime.  Then      every date, every party, every time you hear       music, will be a different experience than before.

 Dancing is the ultimate icebreaker, the ultimate

 social skill. Salsaholic (sent to me by Murray Echols)  

 
To dance, in essence, is to defy gravity.
RenÚ Zgraggen

Dance is advance body language.
Kristy Nilsson


"Dancers never have to look at their feet... They
know they are always at the end of their legs."
'Dance at 8' April 2006 Newsletter


Can't act. Can't sing. Balding! Can dance a little.
Evaluation of Fred Astaire's very first screen test.


If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
George Bernard Shaw


In life as in dance: Grace glides on blistered feet.
Alice Abrams


The smile is the dance of the face - the dance is the smile of the limbs.
Ninette de Valois (a dance teacher)


There is a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance.
Solomon - 1000 B.C..


There is nothing more notable about Socrates than that he found time to learn music and dancing, and thought it was time well spent.
Michel de Montaigne


I just put my feet on the ground and move them around.
Fred Astaire  *


I hate disk jockeys.
George Winter - The George Winter Band


Many times, I have thoughts and feelings which can only be expressed through dance!
 Bender, Futurama


There are only two places where indiscriminate hugging is tolerated; the brothel and the ballroom. M.A. Ham (The Modern Dance) 1916


This search for what you want is like tracking something that doesn't want to be tracked. It takes time to get a dance right, to create something memorable." Fred Astaire (1899-1987) aka Frederick Austerlitz American dancer, singer & actor, appeared with Ginger Rogers


While I dance I cannot judge, I cannot hate, I cannot separate myself from life. I can only be joyful and whole. That is why I dance.
Hans Bos, an observer of dancers


A dance is the devil's procession, and he that entereth into a dance, entereth into his possession.
Sir Francis de Sales


A man who dances has his choice of romances.
Unknown *


Poetry is to prose as dancing is to walking.
John Wain (no, not John Wayne) *  


To watch us dance is to hear our hearts speak.
Hopi Indian Saying *


Carpe Dancem (seize the dance) Heather Diadoti, Montreal, Canada www.whimsies-online.com


 

 
Effortless dancing is an oxymoron. Without effort you do not dance, and if you dance, it is never without effort.
RenÚ Zgraggen

The girls call me pilgrim, because every time I dance with one I make a little progress.
Bob Hope in Ghost Chasers


Dancing is the art of getting your feet out of the way faster than your partner can step on them.
-Author Unknown
Found at www.thenightlyplanet.us


Sex in a dance is in the eye of the beholder.
Gwen Verdon


"We dance for laughter, we dance for tears, we dance for madness, we dance for fears, we dance for hopes, we dance for screams, we are the dancers, we create the dreams."
 Anonimous


A youth who is unskilled in the dance finds little favour with the women.
Mrs. Lilly Grove (1907)


A nations's character is typified by its dancers.
Confucius


Take dancing seriously, but dance with a light heart.


Some people march to a different drummer... and some people Polka.
Los Angeles Times Syndicate *


Let that day be lost to us on which we did not dance once!
Friedrich Nietzsche *


It takes an athlete to dance, but an artist to be a dancer. Shanna LaFleur as quoted at www.whimsies-online.com


Enjoy the most elegant contact sport played today. Banner on the website of USAD's Indianapolios Chapter www.indyusabda.org


No sane man will dance. Cicero (106-43 BC) Roman orator, statesman, philosopher & writer


I don't want people who want to dance; I want people who have to dance.
George Balanchine


The dancer gradually introduces all that his art comprises. Calro Blasis


God match me with a good dancer. Shakespere (Much ado about Nothing - ii-1)


He that lives in hope, dances without music.
Anonymous


Dance!...the vertical expression of a horizontal desire. George Bernard Shaw  *


A good dancer can't do the same thing twice.
An old saying according to Paul Pellicoro http://dancesport.com


To everything there  is a season,... and a time to dance.." Bible, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

 

Teaching words
In explaining that repetitions of fancy moves should be done sparingly, an instructor offered this "rule of thumb" to leaders: "One is fun. Two will do. Three, let it be. Four, it's a bore."
Sent to me by David Dogget,t , Birmingham

On doing an inside turn from a closed position: Gentlemen, lower your right hand, otherwise you're going to hit some speed bumps.
Curt Johnson, Birmingham


"Gentlemen, remember the 15 second rule. When the music stops, you have 15 seconds to escort your partner back to her seat. If you're too slow, the music will start again and you'll be stuck for another dance." Curt Johnson, Birmingham


"Woah!" Steve Hadley's (Dr Dance, Birmingham) favorite exclamation when something goes awry.


 "A free spin is like taking a woman to the mall and giving her a credit  card, she'll come back when she is ready." Carter Butler, Atlanta


A comment he made when a male was leaning his upper  body back "Keep your nose over your toes and you won't step on  hers." Carter Butler, Atlanta

 
"A teacher tried to demonstrate a difficult pose, lost his balance and fell down, right on top of his assistant. Teacher: "Let this be a lesson to you. Guys, if you fall, it is important to find a soft place to land on. Ladies, please exhale. If you don't, you will."
Rene Zgraggen, Montgomery

"I was taught that my right hand should be on the lady's bra strap. Then the sixties cam along and I got all confused." Curt Johnson, Birmingham


"Guys, if you're knuckles are white, you're holding on too tight . . ." Phillip Farley, Tuscaloosa


"Not bad ...... for a girl." High praise from David Marlow, Montgomery


He called a favorite 2 step pattern, that had partners in open  promenade release hands and lower them behind their backs then reconnect hands,  "reach for cheeks and grab hands."   Carter Butler, Atlanta


Teacher, addressing his new class who is sitting on chairs around the dance floor: "Ladies and gentlemen. Let me tell you the first and most important rule of ballroom dancing. It's best done standing up.
Rene Zgraggen, Montgomery

   


 

Jokes
Dress code for a dance party in Hawaii
No coconut shell bras.
Grass skirt optional.
Everyone will be lei'd at midnight.
Found on the internet

Larry La Price, the man who wrote the famous party dance "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully last week at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left foot in ... and then the trouble started ...
Laurie Sisson, The Studio One Review, Number 116, August 13, 2004.


Dance etiquette, California style: Always be nice to your dance partner. You never know, he may turn out to be your next ex-husband.
Found on the internet

Geezer personals
Are you a senior looking for a partner. Take heart and read some of the personal adds found in Florida newspapers:
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.


BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.


LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.


WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.


MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.


MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running
condition, but walks well.

Geezer dress code

Combinations that should be avoided at all cost by people over 50.

A nose ring and bifocals.
Spiked hair and bald spots.
A pierced tongue and dentures.
Miniskirts and support hose.
Ankle bracelets and corn pads.
Speedos and cellulite.
A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar.
Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor.
Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge.
Bikinis and liver spots.
Short shorts and varicose veins.

Geezer exercise

Walking can add time to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an Additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is. 

 The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear  heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

.............And last but not   least,

 You could run this over to your friends but why not just e-mail it to them!   

sent to me by Elita Clayman

 
Terse exchanges

Man: "Could I have the last dance with you?"  Woman: "You're having it."

Man: "Thanks, I enjoyed this dance. My name is John." Woman: "Nice having known you, John."

Man: "Could we dance a bit closer?"  Women: "Any closer than this and I'll show you a new step. It's called 'advanced swivel with kick in the groin' ."

Man: "Could I have this dance?"  Woman: "Do cats have puppies?"

Man: "Is this a Rumba?" Woman: "No. But just keep doing the same three step you do for all the other dances."

Woman: "You're a good leader." Man: "I'm learning a lot from you."

Man: "Do you mind trying that step again?" Woman: "Go ahead. Maybe number 12 will be lucky."

Woman: "I like dancing with you. Man: So do I."

Woman, pointing to another couple: "Why can't you dance like him?". Man: "Because I don't have an accomplished, beautiful, slim, blond, sexy partner like him".

Woman: "Where should I put my left foot after that turn?". Man: "The floor would be a good place."

 

Woman: "This didn't work too well. " Man:  'Sorry, I'm not a very good follower. "

Man: "I think you're leading. " Woman: "Well, somebody's got to do it."

Woman: "Am I leading?" Man: " didn't notice. I' was too busy keeping up with you."

Man: "You're a good dancer." Women: "That makes one of us."

Woman: "Could we have a few more dances together." Man: "Sure. Are you busy next June?"

Woman: "Shouldn't your hand be on my shoulder blade?" Man: "Sorry, I can't reach that far."

Man: "Would you like to go dancing next week? I'm free on Friday." Woman: "You're still free on Friday."

Woman: "Would you like to do this cha cha?" Man: "I can't, I have a backache." Woman: "I'm sorry, how long have you had this condition?" Man: "Ever since I danced with you the last time."

Woman: "What should I do with my free hand in that step?". Man: "Well, I do have a few suggestions."

RenÚ's groaners

I read that ballroom dancing was good for body and mind. Apparently it can even prevent Alzheimer's. So the other night when a lady asked me "What's your name", I wasn't worried. I said "Just give me a minute, It'll come right back to me". Said she "What will?".

I went to a dance last week. They had a traffic jam on the dance floor. I was stuck for an hour and a half.

I tried to dance a Mambo, but the music kept starting on the wrong beat.

I did a real sexy tango. I'm told it's even better with a partner.

We did a Viennese Waltz. Took us seven minutes to unwind.

I asked a lady if she'd like to dance. She said yes, got up on the table and did a bump and grind.

There was this foxy lady. Boy could she trot.

Tried a new Swing step. It's called the Pretzel. Took three men to pry us apart.

If God had intended us to do Ballroom dancing, he would have made women's knees bend the other way.

 

We bumped into some dancers. Got a strike.

My wife and I both love to dance. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Thursdays.

The dance floor was so fast they had an on ramp with a merge sign.

She didn't know how to follow. I did a left turn while she did a promenade. I never saw her again.

We did an Argentine Tango. She did some fancy high kicks. It was very painful.

We did a nice relaxed Tango. I did a series of gentle rocking steps. She fell asleep.

There was this big fellow. Weighed at least 400 pounds. Couldn't navigate. Didn't care.

They played seven Tangos in a row. Everybody did fans. You should have seen the moguls on that floor.

I love the West Cost Swing. Except the other night I tried that tunnel thing. She never came out the other end. They're still looking for her.

They had a wonderful buffet. It took me all night to taste all the different dishes. My kind of dance.

This didn't work to well, she commented. I'm sorry, I'm just not a very good follower, he replied.